


feelings disguised

by Everythinghere



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Happy Ending, Heavy Alcohol Use, Marauders, Multi, Pining, Stoner Remus, Voldemort doesnt exist, and therefore overly-sweet, definite fluff bc i cant help myself, its also unedited bc i am lazy and sad and posting this impulsively, jealous remus (but not in a creepy way asjhajhs), marauders last year and beyond, peter is still a dick tho, probably an overuse of petnames, probably angsty, prostitution (somewhat forced), slow burn?, this is completely self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 12:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25969969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everythinghere/pseuds/Everythinghere
Summary: Sirius is the fluttery feeling that’s been absent for so long. Sirius is the aching feeling that’s half familiar-half brand new. Sirius is beautiful. Beautiful in a way that’s impossible, intangible. All Remus wants to do is touch. He yearns to be the one that Sirius falls into at the end of a long day. To be all that Sirius should ever want or need, as Sirius is for him.But Sirius is spoken for. He’s a very kind man, Allen, exactly what Remus would want for Sirius if he wasn’t so jealous. He is friends with Remus. They aren’t close, but Allen is--almost sickeningly--sweet, all the damn time. So, Remus is happy for Sirius in a way that leaves a hole in his chest.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 8





	feelings disguised

**Author's Note:**

> hiiiii! haven't written in so long bc mental illness is a bitch ahah. anyway, this is actually based off of the fact that i am in love with one of my best friends 9which is why remus is a stoner ajdjgakd). this will be extremely self-indulgent and therefore probably overly-sweet. id say im sorry, but this is my only outlet. i have a playlist on spotify that i listened to while writing this. its called ***** under the name gail. its just a playlist about my unrequited love...  
> anyway! hope you like this. I have more written, but it's far from complete. if this does well i'll finish up the next couple chapters and get them right up.

Sirius is the fluttery feeling that’s been absent for so long. Sirius is the aching feeling that’s half familiar-half brand new. Sirius is beautiful. Beautiful in a way that’s impossible, intangible. All Remus wants to do is touch. He yearns to be the one that Sirius falls into at the end of a long day. To be all that Sirius should ever want or need, as Sirius is for him.

But Sirius is spoken for. He’s a very kind man, Allen, exactly what Remus would want for Sirius if he wasn’t so jealous. He is friends with Remus. They aren’t close, but Allen is--almost sickeningly--sweet, all the damn time. So, Remus is happy for Sirius in a way that leaves a hole in his chest. 

Remus can’t recall a time that he didn’t love Sirius. The passion for him has been burning since they were 13, and if you ask him at the right time of night, after the right amount of weed, Remus will tell you that they’re meant to be. He’ll tell you that they were made for each other. He’ll say that knows this because not a moment goes by that Remus doesn’t think about Sirius. His hair, with the way it curls lightly and ripples delicately over his shoulders. His hands, with the way they brush over Remus’ back in passing. His smile--good heavens, his smile--with the way it is given generously but is only genuine when you can see his gums and not his eyes. The way he moves. The way he speaks. The way he thinks. 

There have been many instances in which Remus almost blurted it out. He can hardly take it sometimes. They’re best friends, they spend every minute together, but Remus has to sit there, keep his hands to himself, keep from saying anything too revealing, keep from exploding with how much he loves him, how much he wants him, how much he can’t stand being denied his affection. 

Allen...if he wasn’t such a nice guy, Remus would have hexed him to the hospital wing. But he is a nice guy, and Remus actually really likes him. Though, he would like him much more if he wasn’t currently making out with Remus’ soulmate.

“Jeez, get a fucking room!” Peter was laughing, and, though Remus did not find it funny at all, he did too.

“Shush, Pete,” Sirius replied, but he did put an end to Remus’ torture.

“Sorry, guys, we’ll be more considerate from now on.” Allen actually looked apologetic, which Remus appreciated for about two seconds before Sirius shot him a smile. No gums, Remus noticed with a smile of his own. 

“We should probably talk about Halloween plans, anyway.” Sirius commented. “Re, wake James up.” Remus responded by shaking James’ shoulder, necessarily violently, until James finally cracked his eyes open.

“Fuck you, I was dreaming Lily confessed her love,” he said croakily.

“Damn, my bad.”

“My fault, Jamesy, I ordered the wake up call,” Sirius interjected.

“Fuck you both, then.”

“Fair enough. We wanna talk about Halloween.” Sirius’ excitement bled into his voice, and Remus tried not to stare adoringly. “We’re doing group costumes again, right?”

“I thought we were doing a couple costume,” Allen said hesitantly. 

“Oh, yeah.” Sirius deflated, but still smiled. “Well, then, what do you wanna do?”

“So, you woke me up just to disappoint me?” James was clearly joking, but Remus felt like sticking his head in the fire. 

“Sorry...we still need to talk party plans, though. Rem,” Sirius batted his eyelashes, knowing the reaction to his next question, “can you get alcohol?” He asked hopefully. Remus groaned, partly because of the question, but mostly because Sirius was batting his eyelashes, what the fuck.

“Yeah, I’ll get it.” They used to trade off who would acquire the drinks, Sirius then Remus then Sirius and so on, but now there’s Allen, so it’s up to Remus alone. 

“You’re a saint, Remmy.” James ruffled his hair. Remus responded with a grunt.

“Are we inviting other houses this time? Some Hufflepuff girls were asking me if I would invite them next time.” Peter’s blush stood out, even in the heavily scarlet room.

Sirius laughed. “Invite whoever you want, Pete. Hope you get lucky.” Pete jumped up and ran out of the portrait hole before anyone else could wish him luck. “Well...I guess that’s it, then.”

“Cool, goodnight.” James rolled back over on the loveseat, much too small for his lanky body. Sirius leaned back into Allen and Remus made his departure quickly. He decided he would go ahead and get the alcohol, so that he could kill two birds with one stone and replenish his nearly bare weed stash.

He grabbed the map and three galleons from James’ nightstand and headed out. He arrived in Hogsmeade, cursing himself for neglecting a jacket, and snuck through shadows to the familiar house. He knocked twice, paused, then knocked thrice more. The door swung open.

“Remus! How shocking to see you here!” The resident exclaimed sarcastically before gesturing him inside.

“Oh, shut up, Kellen. Your job is to provide, not judge.” Remus followed her through the hall to the living room.

“Just teasing, love. You are my favorite, you know,” she said. “Wait here, I’ll get your usual.” She disappeared around a corner and was back within two minutes.

“Maybe I need to do some tolerance control. It’s a little embarrassing to have a ‘usual.’” Remus handed the three galleons and she passed him a little baggy of his favorite plant.

“Nah, I remember everyone’s orders, not just potheads like you,” she laughed loudly.

“How reassuring, thank you.” He smiled at her and turned to let himself out.

“Don’t smoke it all in one place!” He sent her a thumbs up, without turning around.

Remus had timed it perfectly. By the time he got to the Hog’s Head, they were closed, but the person he wanted to see was still inside, doing a drunken, piss-poor job of cleaning up. Remus knocked on the locked door and the man answered with a dirty-toothed, stomach flipping grin.

“Remus...always good to see your face. You need something?” The man blatantly looked him up and down, smile still wide on his face. Remus sighed.

“Yeah, I need some alcohol for a party, but uh-”

“Let me guess, low on funds? You know how to pay, Remus, come in.” He closed and locked the door as soon as Remus passed the threshold. “Well, get to it, boy.” He undid his pants as Remus dropped to his knees and imagined he was in the common room with Sirius.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! thanks for reading <3 feel free to leave comments about things i could improve on, any typos, etc. and have a wonderful, beautiful day/night!


End file.
